AI Researcher

23/05 - Robert Ghrist Podcast !!!

Today was one of the most successful days I've had in my life tbh:

• Learned a lot about homotopy theory, discoverd lattice theory, learned about how cohomology actually helps homotopy theory become computable. Made some really great inutitive connections with category theory, surgery theory, homotopy theory, and the laplacian (how it can detect edges!) for my ai idea.
• I did an 1.5hr podcast with Professor Robert Ghrist, a legendary figure in applied topology, and it was absolutely amazing. I was nervous before the recording and at the beginning because i knew the pressure was on since he is a HUGE figure. He's the dean of the undergrad math department at Penn as well, where theses students are highly talented...After the podcast I kind of imagined standing next to him and reflected on what just happened. I just spoke to a legend, someone I admire, but when I imagined standing next to him I felt insignificant for some reason. I was shocked and amazed that I was even able to speak to someone of his stature since I knew there was zero chance of even getting to without my podcast, whether that was through academia or some other means. So I felt a bit low and none of my friends are availalbe to really share the moment with, sadly. And now i feel a bit lonely and depressed :/ It feels like a giant rollercoaster of a day where I succeeded so well and don't have anyone to share the high with and am now crashing before I go to bed :(. I mentioned it to a good friend and it kind of got ignored too, which sucks a lot. I find myself checking discord and telegram all day to see when my friends will be online so i can speak but some days nothing happens and im like damn, where is everyone and reminisce memories of the past.
• In other news, im quite excited to learn about morse theory and keep going down the rabbit hole of algebra, particularly category theory so i can then apply it to combinatorics in a discrete setting. I think im getting closer and closer to formalising my ideas that ive had since 2 years ago. Its amazing how far ive come. The old me would die to be in this position, but i still feel so far behind. I know i have time, but i cant help recognise the pressure of it all.
• I stopped the CPAP and somehow my sleep ring is saying im getting significantly better and consister sleep, so not sure whats going on there...
• Its almost June and i arrived in my new place in October so thats like 8 months ive been here...IVE LITERALLY DONE NOTHING. my intuition is A LOT better but my skills are still stagnent. I can speak to literally legends but yeah my proof writing skills still suck. I have a clearer path of what to do and everything but this one part is missing. Im thinking that i just need to focus on proof writing and get past that threshold and then everything will become easier since all my books are asking me to prove things so i just stop reading after it asks. its like a perfectionism thing i have. some OCD trait stopping me unless i can do the thing :/
• also i had to get a filling for the smallest cavity -- it was just beginning. then the dentist told me about gum reclination, gum disease and how its like diabetes (when you get it its for life) and i thought 'wtf is this. why are there so many thing to maintain to just be normal. its all so exhausting'. idk maybe im a bit down bc of all the math i need to learn and its making me stressed out again. i need to just focus on the now like before.
• Im definitely at the peak of my career with each day but i feel kind of the loneliest ive ever felt. These times are certaintly harder than losing all my family members over the past 4 years while moving 3 continents too. What a strange thing to say...I think its because all of the pressure of leaving my old career into a new one and starting from scratch AGAIN but with a much steeper learning curve to see results. Im sure ill be completely fine and actually be a leader in math too eventually. No doubt in my mind despite all the anxiety i get atm. i think itll all go away once im comfortable with my skills: calc, LA, prob/stat, proof writing, algebra, because ill know i can get employed for math if anything goes wrong