AI Researcher

30/03 - Quotient + Basis Sets

• 12:59: i think im depressed. was just lying face first on my bed for like 20mins listening to breakcore. i dont really have an appetite despite feeling hungry in my stomach. i made a matcha though. im just gonna force eat some stuff and then continue dying and trying to learn topology. I just learned about basis sets actually. depresso progress is better than nothing ig. i think its because learning without application doesnt give me any dopamine because theres no tangable evidence ive improved apart from being able to talk about the thing. like i struggle to visualise how ill apply it to evolutionary AI. my entire roadmap is a blur that is no better than a leap of faith hoping that this educated guess will eventually land me on an island of valuable skills and knowledge from these leaps onto stones in the fog. but i persist because what else is there to do, yk. i feel like im making 0 progress because of the absence of tangable evidence of progress. i think one day ill just be on the island because ill be so used to just jumping onto these stones in the fog that ill one day be like "oh im here", kind of embracing the pain and accepting it as life until one day it paid off. i dont think anyone really reads these so i dont mind posting it. DeepResearch AI will be a great psychologist in the future bc of these.
  • I often think that my progress is incredibly slow. My reasoning is that i have no job so i have 16 hours in the day. and for some reason the time it takes for me to understand things is quite slow and given 16 hours i should be able to learn a whole lot more on paper. but i guess in reality its a whole lot different. only a few of those hours could be spent really absorbing informing and understanding it and the rest are for consolidaiton. maybe the burnout and depression is from absorbing so much new information its like an overload and the anxiety and OCD thinking its not enough and stressing about being homeless and nothing working out unless i step up the speed of learning cycles negative thoughts. maybe i need to start meditating again? who knows. maybe ill try
  • I sometimes think that once i get the skills of malware x evolutionary AI i will be the perfect candidate for intelligence because i have do dependencies, pretty cold personality, can accept loss quickly, very socialable/can communicate well and will be quite smart/diverse to discuss many topics. maybe one day, who knows. no one can really hurt me mentally because ive lost everything aside from a few close friends