13/02/2023

Ever since discovering bladerunner I’ve resonated quite heavily with the main character, K, and the environment he is set in. It’s a remarkable representation of how a person embarks on a journey to unravel the truth behind a long-buried secret in regards to himself that has the potential to plunge society into a new revolutionary state. Now, I’ve been in the midst of undering the question of “what is life” and artificial intelligence, attempting to create something remotely close to autonomous emergent systems to somewhat replicate the process of evolution: complex systems emerge in and out as a result of the state of the environment. I truly believe that if you are able to mimic some kind of process that is able to build itself then new components will emerge since it’s not limited to the capabilities of the creator (e.g. us). And as a result of pursuing this path it’s naturally made me think a lot about philosophy — e.g. what does my life really mean? and sometimes even putting me in a state of limbo — a mixture of a depressive state where you don’t want to do anything but also having the awareness that you want to pursue these ideas. I guess, this is some kind of burnout of life. I recently moved into a shared house but looking back at the past shared houses, solo apartments and in my parents’ house I still feel lonely majority of the time. This isn’t to be mistaken for being alone. This is, even when you have people around you, you feel alone. No matter how present they are in your life, the outcome stays constant, you feel like you’re in your own world. The ideas and ambitions, even when conveyed, feel…futile to speak about. A true feeling of intellectual isolation. Despite talking to PhDs and very intelligent folk from a variety of fields from genetics, astrophysics, quantum computing, HFT, ex-intelligence, there is still a giant unbuilt bridge from deep understanding and even mutuality of excitement for this uncharted journey. There is no other way of describing this feeling I have. My mind is constantly in a storm where the only “solution” is to ignore this line of work completely when going out at night to spend time with strangers and/or friends.

I truly understand the words of Tom Hardy, “Being alone for a while is dangerous. It’s addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don’t want to deal with people anymore.”. However, being around people that support you is truly a gift and is highly overlooked — mostly due to ulterior motives behind the support, e.g. deception to reach more information. It is always best to be cautious to reveal too much information without gain, but there is a trade-off in the mix when you are vulnerable — trust is received while simultaneously stengthening the relationship, and even admiration for revealing such vital information.

Another big hurdle in my mind is “where do I want to live long term?“. I’ve contemplated this for such a long time and it’s always in the back of my mind. My rationale is that I want to have a base that I can invest heavily into: equipment, living conditions, time into learning the area, building local community, etc.