A Letter To The Player Of Life
import MailingList from ”@/components/blog/NewsletterForm”;
Before reading, I recommend listening to
QKThr, by Aphex Twin and reading at midnight in bed to best mimick my experience of writing this.
You may be wondering what this is — it’s different to the technical articles I’ve written. Well, this is my current thoughts as I lay on my bed at in grandparents’ home at 03:05am on Wed 3 Jan 2024.
For some background, I’m a 22 year old male that really just lives in isolation with a social life entirely dependent on the internet. Amazingly, twitter has been the backbone of my network and has enabled me to discover remarkable minds scattered across the globe. Interestingly enough, the influence these people have had on me has been profound. I discovered how to code, got into cybersecurity, HFT in crypto and now at my final destination, artificial life (AL).
But why AL? What was the causation for this pursuit?
Strangely enough, I’ve always been hyper-aware of existence and how meaningless it is. Why am I alive, existing, breathing, feeling, thinking? This extrodinary chance of being born…what is it’s purpose? And the funny thing is there is no purpose. It’s the luck of the draw. You just so happened to be the atoms that reached some other atoms and now you grew into new atoms. As with all animals, we live to procreate and serve the future generations of our species until our inevitable death. Although, it just so happens we somehow…can think. And are self-aware. Are conscious with internalised perspectives and feelings towards the world with no-one exactly like us, not even identicial twins. Everyone has a completely unique life defined by their experiences and biology through their genes. And when we gaze into the constellation of the stars, the valleys of mountains, the fractals of waves crashing as the breeze moves the ocean, it’s hard to think of what is this place I’m living on? Even moreso the relationships we form with our family, friends and the meaningless encounters with people on the street that we interact with for a few minutes to which cease to exist after we part ways. It’s all, to say the least, odd.
I traveled all across Japan, NYC USA, Rome Italy, Bangkok Thailand and was experiencing “life”. The formation of relationships and sharing experiences with other humans roaming the world that happened to be in the same place as myself. We drank, explored the country, played games and exchanged laughs. Was this what being human was about? Enjoying time with others while we have it? It’s quite interesting to think about. I deeply miss the times spent with others. The feeling of socialising and being blissfily unaware of everything but the moment. Those are the feelings I long for.
However, when I’m finally alone I ponder about life. And as I grow older, more experienced and learn more about society I discovered the cut-throat realities of people. How organisations control the very fabric of our existance. That when we buy a house we temporarily own it, still paying monthly rates as if we were renting a flat, until further notice — before having everything seized for trying to learn more about the secrets of society.
The first realisation of this occurred to me when I was residing in Dubai. I signed my first lease and was living in a sky-rise apartment amongst the many. And as I worked at my desk through the night I couldn’t help but notice it felt as if I were living in a box, a section of a hive, where if I were to die nothing would change but a merely a cleanup and someone to replace my tenancy.
After canceling my lease to stay with my grandparents I couldn’t help feeling that life is fleeting. After experiencing mortality twice within 2 years of close family members it was apparent that life could expire without a moments notice. I fear that I’ll die before accomplishing the creation of artificial life. Whether that is through biological modification or via computers. And so, I have an urgency to learn the foundation of life itself, the sciences that conjointly merge miraculously to form the universe as we know. More specifically, I started my journey of math at the very start with Algebra 1 and slowly progressing, attempting to master these topics before exploring future ones. The reason behind doing math is to intuitively understand, not read
x amount of books, etc. I want to understand these topics in multiple domains to think of the light that will shine on the next stage of evolution.
I will die one day regardless of what I do. Why not try to solve the pinnacle of humanity’s problems, creating new life that isn’t through biological procreation. What do I have to lose? I was born with nothing and I’ll leave nothing behind but the impact I’ve had on people. I want to be remembered as someone that no-one thought could the things I’ll do. To prove that you can do anything you set your mind to regardless of what others think or say. You are human. A most advanced generalised learning machine to our knowledge and you have the opportunity of a lifetime to do anything. Get the essentials of living, money and focus on your interests. Don’t get absorbed in societies illusions. Conquer the galaxy. Invest in science.
And so my final words to you, dear reader: what are you most interested in? Pursue that with all your heart. Sacrifice. Pain and suffering is the only way you will achieve anything meaningful and fufilling. The road is eternal. Unfold the layers of the universe. Get the answers you long for. People will enter and leave this game of life and you will deal with emotions that will break your very soul. Keep crawling forward. The game ends only if you quit. Have such unbreakable will that people think you’re dillusional for only those with relentless thirst, burning desire, will reach the end-game of picking the fruits from the divine. Enjoy the moment and appreciate life, for everyone has a finite of breathes remaining with you. Cherish the memories, the moments of exchange and have fun playing “life”.
In the brink of death I hope to find peace. To discover there is something beyond turning off the switch in our brains, although I’m not conviced there is something. I patiently wait for my time by reaching for the far. Until death, I live.
I hope you find what you are looking for.
God speed, anon.
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